Gift From My Son, Autism Redefined, by Keli Lindelien 2004, is one of the most interesting I’ve read lately in the genre of: ‘Books written by a mother about her autistic daughter/son’. Which, in case you are not already familiar with the hype, is a genre steadily growing in proportion to the number of autistic children diagnosed in the United States, or so it seems.
So what makes this book interesting? Is it the holistic approach toward autism that mother/author Keli Lindelien takes? Is it in her relentless desire to truly understand her son, to see the world from his perspective, at times even attempting entry to his world? Is it the fascination with physics and metaphysics that runs throughout the book? The exploration of electromagnetic fields, free electrons, energy, atoms, radio waves, and the possibility that her sons odd behavior could be a direct response to these stimuli that we cannot see with the naked eye, yet can measure the presence of?
The book begins with a quote from the Talmud:
“We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.”
Keli makes it clear that the hypothesis of each of us having autistic attributes, in greater or lesser degrees, is probable. Either she has an incredible imagination (also probable) or she really was able to access the world of her son. She used meditation to experience his world, as well as to find answers to questions that no one else could answer for her. She also used her dreams to learn more about her self, her own perceptions, and what she held to be true.
In one of her first dreams, the universe speaks to her and says:
The only way to get through to this child is to work on your self-first. You’ll have to surrender many beliefs. You’ll have to surrender many judgments. You’ll have to see, really see what is before you. You must work on your self or you will not understand. Some will think that the child is broken and needs to be fixed. His challenges will come from what he encounters here,not the attributes he came here with. You must undo the damage, and then unconditionally accept what remains. Pg. 28. 2
This dream sets the tone for Keli’s approach to her son. She does not look at him as having ‘problems’ but rather as being a ‘gift’, and, unexpectedly, a teacher. Benjamin teaches in unexpected ways that have far reaching positive implications on his family. Through his propensity to mirror the emotional state of others, he teaches his family to look at their feelings, and to be very clear about what they are feeling and why. He enables his family to begin asking one another what they are feeling, and why they feel a certain way. As the habits of family personal interactions begin to change, they realize that Benjamin’s tantrums and disquietude, also change. And thus, Benjamin becomes, teacher.
None of this comes easily, but in her retelling Keli does exhibit a certain grace and intuitiveness that can be absent in other books of the genre. She says:
Some parents describe their children being dragged kicking and screaming into a life in the world. My journey would not involve dragging Benjamin into my world. I had no desire to do that…I instinctively knew that I had to learn enough about Benjamin’s world to see if he could be coaxed into mine. The only way I knew how to do this was to begin to trust my intuition and ask to be shown the nature of his condition. I knew that I would have to go beyond conventional science and reason to a place where I could ”see” and “understand” what was not immediately apparent. (Pg. 26, 5-6)
Keli takes on a role of sleuth, and student. As a sleuth she immediately hones in on certain behaviors, (spinning, jumping, waving hands in front of eyes) and curious food choices, (black or kidney beans, cooked or raw carrots, apples or grapes, raisins, fast food French fries and homemade casein free bread). She wonders why he craves french-fries so much when the rest of his diet is so healthy. She makes many of these observations spanning all aspects of her son. What is remarkable is her tenacity in connecting information to the observable clues, as a sleuth does. For instance, after research she learns that her son has chosen an almost perfect macrobiotic diet, which is often prescribed for people with compromised immune systems. Because he also has many allergies to foods that are not in his diet, "Benjamin had selected a diet that was the least taxing on his body." Keli began to wonder if Benjamin had the ability to know his unique body needs well enough to choose a particular diet, what else did he know?
In addition she was also formulating a plan to help her son. This plan included "finding ways to make him more comfortable in his body that didn’t include dulling his senses with medications", then figuring out exactly what capabilities Benjamin did possess.
Keli devotes a chapter to “The possible explanations” for her sons' perceptions; including reasons that serve as puzzle pieces to create a bigger picture of autism, that is not limited solely to the world of conventional medicine. She extends her reasoning beyond what is ‘safe’ to talk about in a Western society, obsessed with finding reasonable explanations rooted in a science that we can see, touch and prove over and over again. This methodology rejects the idea that we truly are all individuals, not only in mind and spirit, but also in body.
(As a slightly irrelevant personal note: I am irritated by the double standard of America claiming all citizens asindividuals, having a right to life and liberty etc. And yet insisting on treating difference as an ‘illness’ with methods that focus solely on changing the behavior that makes the individual who they are- not understanding it, even accepting it, certainly not seeing some benefit in it. I am also irritated by the reluctance of Americans to look at possibilities beyond western medicine; i.e., beyond fixing the illness(symptoms of the illness), rather than exploring a.) If this really is an ‘illness’ and b.) Why the supposed illness exists in the first place?)
After reading book after book that that claims Lovaas style behavior modification is the answer to changing troublesome autistic behaviors, this book was exceptionally refreshing. If you want to read another perspective on what it means to raise a child with autism, I recommend this book. Keli Lindelian also offers chapters on how to work with children with autism, as well as an inspirational bibliography.
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